We knew leaving would be hard this time, and packing up for 2.5 years is such a pain that the only words that adequately describe it are not in the vocabulary of this holy missionary, so I was forced to grunt often. Packing is hard because you have to make choices: watching Katie try not to cry because she found one of her drawings in the trash was just a rough thing.

It got worse when JT got home from Wake and we discovered that he needed to have hernia surgery.  We won’t see him for a year; to spend the last week together with him in pain was difficult. We were grateful that we could be there, but it was a hard way to end our time together.

Matthew fell under the spell of the most charismatic coach the world has ever known; if Coach Harris ever uses his powers for evil, we are all doomed. He asked if he could finish the school year in America, and we told him no. But we both started thinking that it was the best thing for him, and then a couple Matthew have been in school since kindergarten. 

Matthew is the easiest kid in the world, and has given up so much without complaining. He wants to finish at RVA, but didn’t want to interrupt the school year. So he will finish up his sophomore year in America, and come to join us in June to finish his junior and senior year in Kenya. Almost as confirmation, he got the role of the lion in the Wizard of Oz.

It kills us that we won’t see it.The holiday is different when you are leaving the country two days after Christmas. People we longed to see called and we just didn’t have time to see them.  We were treated so wonderfully by so many people we barely thanked, if that. We took down the Christmas tree on Christmas day and we gave each child twelve seconds with a present before we packed it.

The truth is, besides the loss of income, this missionary thing has been fairly cost free for me since I’ve been in Africa. It has been a place of healing and opportunities to do good; finding two of your children is just incredible.

But we have all been together up to now, and I love my kids. I really love to be with them. To be this far away from them is hard beyond hard. Saying goodbye was wrenching.

We had a ticket issue at the airport, and as I walked away from the counter I’m sure you would have said `My goodness; isn’t that the holy missionary and CNN Hero Steve Peifer saying all those interesting things?’  I had really cratered.

If failure is important in capitalism, it is vital in Christianity. It is so important to hit bottom and realize you can’t really do anything. It is at that point that, if you reach out to God, He meets you in a different way and touches the deep hurts that you hide inside where you hope no one can see them.

I poured out all my fears to Him; could I be a good father to my younger children at my age? How can I be away from my older children? Can I increase the feeding and computer programs? Will I ever have the money to retire when I make missionary wages during my peak earning years?

I don’t know the answers to any of those questions, but I know I’ve been able to share my heart and I can say I met Him and I trust Him.

Which is a good thing to be able to say right now.

You have probably heard about the elections in Kenya, and it is pretty tense right now. A friend who has been here for 18 years says this is the worse he has ever seen it. Over three hundred people have been killed in riots so far, and there is a rally on Thursday that could be really dangerous.

There is no gas to be found, and we don’t have much food in the house, so a bunch of us are going to run into town early tomorrow to try to buy food. Our area is safe, but Nairobi has been pretty perilous.

I don’t want to say anything that could compromise my status in this country, but I would ask that you would pray, and that you would pray not only for peace but for justice.

You can also pray that our cat who welcomed us back by getting sick on our bed gets LOTS of justice.

Your pal.